Optimism is a choice!

Optimism comes from the Latin word for ‘the best.’  It simply means favoring the best possible outcome. For me, there are two brands of optimism:

·         Unrealistic optimism (aka naïve realism) – The thinking here is that great things will happen almost automatically.  Positive thinking alone can transform our wishes and hopes into reality.

·         Realistic optimism – Still a vigorously constructive mental model that views people as active agents who help make things happen. Realistic optimists know that in order to be successful, they’ll have to be courageous, answer the call to action, plan well, access resources, persist, bounce back, carry on and follow through!

I choose to be a realistic optimist!  For me, it’s not naïve, romantic or idealistic; rather, it’s an asset through which I (and my clients) can become my best self and make a difference through my relationships and my work.  Research associates it with greater measures of health & well-being; longer life expectancy; and more general happiness & prosperity.  At work, it’s an essential catalyst for change & improvement as well as creativity & innovation.

Right about now, some of you may be thinking - ”That’s great but…isn’t optimism part of a person’s hardwiring or isn’t it something that you get from your earliest experiences that gets embedded in your psyche?”  

My answer is yes, optimism is hardwired and yes, it may come more readily if we were exposed to it regularly as kids.  Each of us has a unique endowment and experiences in our formative years.  But that’s only part of the story.  Research tells us that education & personal effort can trump your starting point.  Even our genes need regular input to work properly as we grow & develop!  To a large extent, then, realistic optimism is a CHOICE!

Let me give you a simple little example from my own childhood.  One of my mother’s favorite phrases was ‘bad things happen in threes!”  She really seemed to believe this with certainty and went to great lengths to point out many threesomes. I grew up with this mantra in my head.  If something bad happened to me, I would try to game the system be forcing two (small, benign) ‘bad’ things to happen quickly so that I could get clear of that particular cycle.  Finally, there came a point in time, when I realized (through education) that it really wasn’t true and I laughed it off and went on.

I agree with Rick Warren who says, “We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.”  Realizing that your past doesn’t necessarily predict your future frees a person and opens you up to sparks of possibility around you.

Cultivating the habit (yes, I said habit!) of realistic optimism is more critical today to overall success than ever before. Why? Because we are navigating powerful currents of change; because our work is more complex, our environment more unpredictable and our pace is blistering. We need every edge to be our best selves.

My coaching question to each of you is….Through what lens will you choose to view your workplace, your community, even our world?

For the remainder of this month, take my leadership dare:

Commit to an optimism upgrade!!

Upgrade 1: This week, think about Rick Warren’s quote, noted above. Are the leftovers from your past that are holding you back or keeping you stuck? Identify them clearly and specifically. Then, for each, identify one thing that you are willing to do to free yourself from its influence.

Upgrade 2: Take a vacation (preferably a long one) from ‘the news’. I think it would be pretty discouraging to see the world exclusively through the lens of the media news.  For me it’s a distorted view. The news reports on things (mostly bad and sensational) that happen, not things that don’t happen. When was the last time that a TV crew reported happily on how many countries weren’t at war or cities that haven’t had a mass shooting? In many cases, when you look at the whole picture, the facts tell a surprisingly optimistic story.

Upgrade 3: Reclaim the word ‘do-gooder’! The heck with those who think this word is anything but a wonderful compliment.  This week, make it a point to make a positive difference in the lives of your colleagues, clients and significant others in your workplace. Consider it your super power for the week!

Upgrade 4: Avoid catastrophizing!  Stop thinking about or expecting the worst – from people, situations or experiences. We’re talking about realistic optimism here, so skip the rose colored glasses. We need to seriously attend to problems and challenges without minimizing or discounting them. But portraying everything as a ‘catastrophe’ is overboard and counter-productive. It contributes to a culture of fear and robs us of our most valuable resource when it comes to problem solving….our creative mind. 

What Can A Rose Teach Us About Workplace Relationships?

It seems like forever ago that I came across ‘The Rose Story.’ I don’t remember the source or the circumstances; what I do remember is that it was one of those mini AHA moments for me. A real whack on the side of my head!

The Rose Story popped into my mind twice in the past few weeks as I was engaged in two separate but similar coaching conversations. In both cases, capable leaders committed to the coaching model were struggling with disappointment and frustration.  In one situation, the leader was second guessing herself for promoting a rising star to a challenging position. From the leader’s perspective, the individual was ‘letting her down’ by not rising to the occasion. In fact, the newly promoted team member seemed overwhelmed and unsteady in the role. The leader was increasingly frustrated by the amount of time, energy and attention that was personally required of her to support this person and the work.

In the other case, a savvy, experienced leader was impatient, unsupportive and overly critical of a new colleague. From the experienced leader’s perspective, the new colleague had not ‘earned’ an executive position; she was immature, overly eager and inexperienced.  And now they were peers; it just didn’t seem fair or reasonable to her.

I think that it’s too easy to fall into such traps. Using ourselves as we are today as the gold standard for everyone else. And perhaps conveniently forgetting our own missteps and insecurities on our leadership journeys. If we are to become more masterful coach leaders, then most of us must fundamentally shift our thinking about the people around us at work. We need to begin to acknowledge and affirm that we are all capable, smart, talented, creative, willing and accountable. We have to understand that we are at different stages of leadership & professional maturity; and of education & experience. And that different is okay. It doesn’t mean less than or inferior. That’s the powerful lesson that a rose can teach us about the people with whom we work. And by teaching us about others, it simultaneously enlightens us about ourselves. Read on for your own personal AHA moment: 

 THE ROSE

When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small but we do not criticize it as “rootless” and “stemless”. We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots out of the earth, we don’t condemn it as “immature” and “under-developed”; nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care that it needs at each stage of its growth. Finally, as the rose’s bloom fades and the petals fall, we gather them and use them for fragrance and healing. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is.

Here’s your May leadership challenge:

Week 1:  Keeping the Rose Story in mind, reach out to someone around you who is starting a new leg of their career journey (or maybe taken on a significant challenge) and nurture & nourish that person. Recognize their potential. Express belief in them; encourage & feed them through affirmation. Then stand back and watch them take root!!

Week 2: Share the Rose Story with others. Your team. Someone who may be struggling with self-doubt. Using coaching questions ask people what it means to them and how we can apply it to our relationships at work.

Week 3: Perfect enough! That’s the theme of our leadership challenge this week. The Rose Story applies to you too. You are perfect enough right where you are. You care enough. Know enough. Do enough. Make it a priority to tend to yourself. Affirm and appreciate who you are today and look to be both better and different every day. I often tell myself, “I’m satisfied with who and where I am while eagerly anticipating even more in the future!)

Week 4: Collect Positive Aspects! The final leadership dare of the month is to purposefully look around your workplace. Celebrate the wonderful diversity. Rejoice that everyone isn’t exactly like youJ Think of each member of your team or work group and identify one or two things that are positive or great about them. What are their special talents? What unique contribution do they make? Then make it a point this week to share your insights.  Give them the care and attention that they want and need to build and grow themselves.

Assist Others To Identify Their Greatness

Lots of people tell me it’s so much easier to focus on what’s wrong with them (their ‘weaknesses or what they’re not good at) versus what they’re really, really great at. I think that’s because it’s a long standing habit for many of us. We’ve focused there for so long, it’s come to define us. It’s what our self talk is all about. This often limits a person’s willingness and ability to stretch into more challenging assignments, take some risk at work and perform at higher levels. In other words, it can prevent people from leading from their seat!

It’s in everyone’s best interest to help people own the best that is in them!  If we’re tuning into others regularly and training our eyes and ears to unearth strengths, we can see someone else’s potential long before they do. So, as a coach leader, what can you practically do to help others look in the mirror and see what you see? Here are some ideas that you can implement lickety split:

1. Work on yourself first! Let’s get better at uncovering the brilliance in others. Pick one person each day for a week and list all of the assets or positive qualities that s/he has. Be sure to select a variety of people, not only those for whom you already have an affinity.
2. Share your thoughts with each person and listen/observe their feedback.
3. Complete a learning exercise with your team. Ask each person to identify their own signature strengths and their growing edges (this is my reframing of ‘weaknesses’). Review and discuss in detail in your one-on-one meeting OR, if the team is ready for a challenge, review and discuss together at a team meeting!
4. Check out the strengths finder website, www.strengths-finder.com , for other potential tools and techniques. 

Ask, Don’t Tell

If you really, really want to build richer relationships at work, help others to lead from their seats, create a culture of owners and become a more influential force in your organization, then you need to make it a priority to master the art of asking great questions!  Now, there are many different types of questions. Background questions. Open-ended and close- ended ones. Confirming questions. Then there are the ones to which I’m referring - the powerful, provocative kind. The ones that:

• Have a purpose beyond information
• Can interrupt a typical thought process
• Have the potential to result in a breakthrough or an aha moment
• Come from and/or follow clearly listening to someone
• Are almost always followed by silence as you allow the question to marinate in the other person’s
• Stem from genuinely wanting to help someone(s) learn & grow.

Asking powerful, provocative questions (or practicing collaborative inquiry, as it’s called) is a hallmark skill of the coach leader. What makes mastery of this skill so challenging is that most business professionals have been conditioned for a very long time to use a telling approach in their communication – I’ll tell you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. I’ll direct this team, this project, this work. I’ll lobby for my preferred solution. Telling rather than asking is one of those habits that I’m encouraging you to unlearn! Now!

Let’s really think about the strategic advantages that cultivating a habit of asking instead of telling delivers to you, to the other person(s) and to your organization:

•   A powerful question invites the other person(s) to come up with their own solutions. That’s big! It fosters a greater sense of ownership and opens up the opportunity for others to ‘lead from their seats.’
• It can be a portal for innovation and creativity. You may have a good solution to a problem. You may have one right answer for a situation. But someone else might have an even better one! Someone else’s idea could be a best practice.
•  Asking someone for their thoughts or opinions says to that person, “ I value your perspective. I think you’re smart and capable. I trust you.”
•  A shift from telling to asking helps us to acknowledge that we’re not the only person with worthy ideas.
• Asking intentional questions allows us to fulfill the #1 priority for us all in business – to build and grow others around us! Think about the boost of confidence that someone may feel when you ask a question and really listen to their ideas and solutions! 

Developing the self-discipline of asking questions more often will have a huge payoff for you and the organization. But it’s a skill and perfecting a skill takes time, energy, desire, focus and practice. Also, it will take more time to ask questions than tell someone what to do. You need to decide if that short term investment of time is worth the long term dividends of building more independent thinkers and leaders around you! I’m hopeful that you’ll say YES to this opportunity. I’m rooting for each of you!

Powerful, probing questions share some features. They’re:

• Non-judgmental, non-critical
• Simple & straightforward. In fact, most times, the simpler they are, the better they are.
• Asked with a neutral tone of voice
• Followed by silence & clear listening. Yes, you actually have to listen to the other person’s response.

Piece of cake, right? Not so fast. Take it from someone who has been refining my questioning habit for a very long time, it’s simple but not easy to do day in and day out.  So let’s make certain that we have a shared understanding of these points by using a few examples.

Example 1: One of the best questions is also one of the simplest and most effective: “What do you think?” In fact, Tom Peters calls this sentence the four most powerful words in business!  You ask this question and then you listen and allow the other person to think about it and offer their ideas. It sends all of the right messages to the other person – you’re valued; you’re smart and capable; your idea might be the best idea….

Example 2: Here’s an example of how to make-over a same old same old comment into a strong coaching question:

            From: You’re always late in getting out our meeting minutes!

            To: What’s the timeline that you typically follow for releasing our meeting minutes?

So, how can you sharpen your inquiry ability so that you develop the habit of asking, rather than telling and, once you’re in the rhythm of asking, turning good questions into great ones? Here are some do-ables to get you started:

• Start asking more questions! Duh. Make the choice and work through that feeling of awkwardness. It’ll pass. Repetition & determination are your dynamic duo.
• Preare for one-on-one and team meetings by jotting down some possible questions related to key topics. Cultivate the habit of checking those questions before speaking.
• Create a ‘powerful questions’ bank. Think ahead about typical situations that you encounter in your organization and create one or two coaching questions for each. For even more impact, make it a team project.
• Use the go-to question – “What do you think?” Don’t forget to follow it with silence (yes, shutting up is a great skill to master!).
• Find a partner and work on this together. Ask your partner to highlight any missed opportunities to use the ask, don’t tell approach.
• Put your mind and heart to it. To change your habit, you’re going to have to be aware and intentional. You’ve gotta want this new habit to catch fire.
• To sum it all up, coach leaders intentionally replace the habit of “telling people around us what to do” with the new habit of asking questions of others. This is immensely beneficial because it allows the other person to create their own solutions, to take moderate risks, to become more effective decision makers, and to more fully engage in the everyday life of the organization.

Sometimes, I’m asked if asking more questions is really that big of deal. What do you think?

***RELATED LEADERSHIP TIPS***

Leadership Tip #1

Take the Tom Peters challenge to jump start your new inquiry habit! Pick a work day in the next week. For that day, make it your business to ask the question “What do you think?” in appropriate situations. Keep track of the number of times that you say it. At the end of the day, check your total. Notice what difference that question made. Celebrate new insights and relationship wins. Sustain this newly acquired habit.

Leadership Tip #2

Here are two of my favorite quotes on questioning for you to contemplate:

"We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong." – Bono

"The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a very creative mind to spot wrong questions." - Antony Jay

Leadership Tip #3

How about spicing up your regular meetings by using the following questioning framework:

• What are all of the things that are working?
•  How did all of those things end up working?
• What’s not working yet?
•  How can we make things even better?

This can really shake things up and create a surge of energy!

Old Habits Die Hard

A discussion that I had recently with a dear colleague of mine, Lindsey, inspired some new and valuable insights for me that I’d like to share.

She and I were debriefing after a leadership program that her organization was sponsoring. We were both pretty enthused about the new, fresh conversations and behaviors that were surfacing as a result of the learning. And we were, of course, talking about sustainability – How challenging it can be to make lasting changes to habits that, for some, have been in place for a long time.

Inevitably, our conversation turned to the strength and resolve that each of us must find deep within ourselves when we are ‘breaking with’ old habits and ‘breaking through’ to more effective replacements. We acknowledged this to be particularly true when we’re back in our daily routine and are confronted with some of those ‘same old same old’ behaviors that are, at best, a buzz kill and, at worst, an organizational toxin. You can probably name the same behaviors that we mentioned to one another – If you guessed gossiping, idle complaining, back biting and back stabbing, cynicism and general put downs, you’re right!

That’s when Lindsey asked one of those powerful questions – something so simple yet so true and so illuminating that it stops you in your tracks for a moment as you really think about it. Trust me; I didn’t see this one coming. With a sigh, Lindsey said, as she thought about those toxic behaviors, “It’s pretty discouraging to realize that high school never really ends, does it?”

We looked at each other for a minute without saying anything and then we both nodded. If we were in a cartoon, you would have been able to see a big, blinking light bulb appear above our heads. I think Lindsey’s insight is a wake-up call for us all. It really was for me. Lots of the everyday behaviors that we choose at work are childish and immature leftovers from junior high!  And that’s just so unworthy of us! Think about it……back stabbing, meanness, talking about someone behind his/her back, trying to ‘get away with’ stuff, making lame excuses for not doing the right thing, petty jealousies born of insecurities, cliques and the list goes on. Reliving high school reminds me of the movie Ground Hog Day, only creepier and of far more significance.

Seriously, is this the best that we can be together? Why do we choose to participate in or tolerate (and, therefore, perpetuate) these patterns as adults at work when they didn’t do any good or felt bad way back when? Why are we stuck in behaviors that we should have outgrown long ago?

More importantly, what’s it going to take to ditch them permanently? Have we made peace with this elephant in the middle of the room by looking the other way when we experience them because they seem familiar or fairly innocent or because we’re guilty of them too?

If you’re ready to unhook from these recycled high school behaviors, here are some small steps that can get you moving in the right direction. Remember…

“To change your experience, change yourself. To change yourself, change your mindset.”

Do-ables

• Do whatever it takes to remind yourself throughout the day that we are all ADULTS at work. Avoid words or actions that convey any other messages. For example, stop referring to your team members as your ‘kids’ and/or acting like a parent. So, enough already…put on your big guy and big gal pants and choose to act like a grown-up throughout your work day.
• Do your part to offer universal education on behavioral expectations in your organization. This might include such things as:

¬  Code of conduct review and update

¬  On-boarding and ongoing mini programs on ‘leading from your seat’

¬  Identify the ‘dirty dozen’ – the twelve junior high behaviors that you won’t tolerate in the organization – and create an awareness campaign

¬  Discuss the importance of adult-adult relationships at regular staff meetings, morning meetings. Use examples

¬  Create a marketing campaign – for example, No whining allowed…Gossip free zone. In fact, make a contest of it and give a prize to the winning team.
 

• Catch folks making the right choices and acknowledge & reward.
•  Have a low tolerance for those behaviors – call them out (respectfully and professionally) whenever possible.
•  Be certain that there are consequences for continuing these immature behaviors; that everyone knows what they are and that they are fairly and consistently applied.

If you want to take a walk down memory lane and fondly re-visit your high school years then do it – dust off your yearbook, attend a reunion or find classmates on social media. But be darn sure that you leave those immature behaviors out of the picture. We’re not fifteen anymore and high school really is over!

BREAKING THE RIGHT RULES: A look back at the 2013 Take The Lead Award

We’ve had an inspiring start to the year at Vantage International!  In early January, we were immersed in the selection process for our inaugural Take The Lead Award.  It was a ‘goose bump moment’ for us as we reviewed the almost 200 nominations and realized that our message of ‘leading from your seat’ was contributing to a movement in workplaces across the US and around the world!

On January 15, we had the pleasure & privilege of announcing Elizabeth Sholtys as the winner of the 2013 Take The Lead Award!  Her nomination is a powerful example of what one person can do to change the world if you dare to play big.  It’s a must read for us all. Congratulations, Liz!!

When you begin any new initiative, part of the excitement comes from not knowing exactly how things will unfold.  Of course, you plan and then implement well; you remain fanatically focused on the details and, still, you can’t anticipate absolutely everything. You need to be open to possibilities; and reasonably flexible and nimble in order to accept all of the gifts that the creative process offers.

We were surprised and delighted by our first Award experience.  It proved to be an outstanding opportunity for us to learn and grow – as leaders, professionals and people.  Here are a few of the lessons that we’ll carry forward with us:

·         Every day in workplaces across the world, there are amazing people choosing to show up and make a big difference – to do all that they can from their seats.

·         Almost 200 people paused in their very busy work lives to recognize the greatness of someone around them.

·         There were so many compelling, moving nominations that we decided to bend our own rules and expand the Award to include an Honorable Mention Category.  Nicole Blannard is a Hematology/Oncology Nurse Manager who was nominated by her entire team for her fierce everyday leadership.  Her story needed to be told in a big way.       

·         Our favorite lesson (well, to be completely honest, it was more like a whack to the side of our head) came from a team at Bassett Healthcare in Cooperstown, NY.  They didn’t bend a rule they broke it by creating their own Award category –Take The Lead Team Award!  In doing so, they challenged our thinking.  Bill Stamp, the nominator, put it this way:  “I do not believe any one member of the team is more deserving of this achievement than any other and thus I ask that you consider our group as a whole.” This team nomination was impossible to ignore; we are pleased to offer Special Recognition to this band of creative risk takers!  Thank you for breaking the right rules!

It may seem unusual to reward someone for breaking a rule. But we think it’s becoming more and more common as more and more of us challenge same old, same old thoughts, actions, processes and procedures.  We think that it’s an important part of the everyday leader’s every day mission:

·         To see something that no one else sees;

·         To challenge our current level of thinking;

·         To be brave, even fearless, and take a risk by playing big;

·         To challenge dysfunctional comfort

Tom Peters has said that he would “rather have a bold failure than a mediocre success.”  We agree.  So, take our lesson to heart…Break the right rules at work. Question your own habits and perceptions; find your blind spots; view your work processes through a different lens --- Be both better and different!  And when someone challenges your thought or behavior, choose to be receptive and curious instead of defensive.  Have a V-8 moment – Why didn’t I think of that, see that, etc.

No, don’t go rogue.  Lots of rules protect us, our products, customers, clients or patients. Break the right rules!  Knowing the difference is one of the everyday leader’s super powers.  Even better than ‘spidey sense’, right?

Click HERE to read more about the 2013 Take The Lead Winners on the Vantage International website.

Micro-Affirmations at work

Some of the most important actions that we take at work help others around us to lead from their seats – to show up as the best versions of themselves each day and fulfill their individual responsibilities within the organization with grit, gusto and creativity.

One way that we do that is to act as role models – You first! – You lead from your seat and you show up as the best version of YOU! Another meaningful way to grow leaders around us is to recognize and acknowledge others’ greatness. First, we’ve got to be looking for those ‘coaching’ moments and then we have to let people know that we notice that they are choosing to be both better and different; that they’re leading, making strong decisions, acting as adults. Second, we want to emphatically let our colleagues know that they are valued; that what they do is making a difference and moving us in the right direction. We want to authentically tell them that we are proud of them and in so doing, challenge them to continue to lead.

The best, most sustainable way to appreciate and recognize others is to intentionally look for everyday (yes, every day!) opportunities to offer a sincere, specific message that fuels the leadership spark in them. These small verbal, non-verbal or written messages (or cues) are called micro-affirmations. Sending these regularly helps to build and grow others quicker than anything else! Make it a part of your leadership practice to feed others a steady diet of micro-affirmations throughout the day. Catch people leading from their seats. Appreciate what they are doing ‘right!” and dare them to do even more of it.

Focusing your attention on what other people are doing well will serve to remind you of just how great things are most days – there’s a heck of a lot more going right in your organization than going wrong. And by recognizing the greatness in others, you simply cannot help but recognize it in yourself. That’s the crazy wisdom of it all!!

Let your own light shine by affirming others. After all you are a VIL – a very important leader! (BTW, that’s a micro-affirmation)

Big doors swing on small hinges. The seemingly small choices that you make throughout your day pay HUGE dividends. Take the Lead!

P.S. Here’s another exciting way to appreciate, recognize and affirm your colleagues --- Nominate someone for the Take The Lead Award!!! This is the first year that Vantage International is sponsoring this opportunity and we would love for each of you to participate. The simple realization that you thought highly enough of someone to nominate her/him will thrill that person and encourage them to even higher levels of ownership, commitment and performance. So, take those extra few minutes to check out the details today by following the link:

http://www.vantage-inter.com/2013-ttl-award/