Ask, Don’t Tell

If you really, really want to build richer relationships at work, help others to lead from their seats, create a culture of owners and become a more influential force in your organization, then you need to make it a priority to master the art of asking great questions!  Now, there are many different types of questions. Background questions. Open-ended and close- ended ones. Confirming questions. Then there are the ones to which I’m referring - the powerful, provocative kind. The ones that:

• Have a purpose beyond information
• Can interrupt a typical thought process
• Have the potential to result in a breakthrough or an aha moment
• Come from and/or follow clearly listening to someone
• Are almost always followed by silence as you allow the question to marinate in the other person’s
• Stem from genuinely wanting to help someone(s) learn & grow.

Asking powerful, provocative questions (or practicing collaborative inquiry, as it’s called) is a hallmark skill of the coach leader. What makes mastery of this skill so challenging is that most business professionals have been conditioned for a very long time to use a telling approach in their communication – I’ll tell you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. I’ll direct this team, this project, this work. I’ll lobby for my preferred solution. Telling rather than asking is one of those habits that I’m encouraging you to unlearn! Now!

Let’s really think about the strategic advantages that cultivating a habit of asking instead of telling delivers to you, to the other person(s) and to your organization:

•   A powerful question invites the other person(s) to come up with their own solutions. That’s big! It fosters a greater sense of ownership and opens up the opportunity for others to ‘lead from their seats.’
• It can be a portal for innovation and creativity. You may have a good solution to a problem. You may have one right answer for a situation. But someone else might have an even better one! Someone else’s idea could be a best practice.
•  Asking someone for their thoughts or opinions says to that person, “ I value your perspective. I think you’re smart and capable. I trust you.”
•  A shift from telling to asking helps us to acknowledge that we’re not the only person with worthy ideas.
• Asking intentional questions allows us to fulfill the #1 priority for us all in business – to build and grow others around us! Think about the boost of confidence that someone may feel when you ask a question and really listen to their ideas and solutions! 

Developing the self-discipline of asking questions more often will have a huge payoff for you and the organization. But it’s a skill and perfecting a skill takes time, energy, desire, focus and practice. Also, it will take more time to ask questions than tell someone what to do. You need to decide if that short term investment of time is worth the long term dividends of building more independent thinkers and leaders around you! I’m hopeful that you’ll say YES to this opportunity. I’m rooting for each of you!

Powerful, probing questions share some features. They’re:

• Non-judgmental, non-critical
• Simple & straightforward. In fact, most times, the simpler they are, the better they are.
• Asked with a neutral tone of voice
• Followed by silence & clear listening. Yes, you actually have to listen to the other person’s response.

Piece of cake, right? Not so fast. Take it from someone who has been refining my questioning habit for a very long time, it’s simple but not easy to do day in and day out.  So let’s make certain that we have a shared understanding of these points by using a few examples.

Example 1: One of the best questions is also one of the simplest and most effective: “What do you think?” In fact, Tom Peters calls this sentence the four most powerful words in business!  You ask this question and then you listen and allow the other person to think about it and offer their ideas. It sends all of the right messages to the other person – you’re valued; you’re smart and capable; your idea might be the best idea….

Example 2: Here’s an example of how to make-over a same old same old comment into a strong coaching question:

            From: You’re always late in getting out our meeting minutes!

            To: What’s the timeline that you typically follow for releasing our meeting minutes?

So, how can you sharpen your inquiry ability so that you develop the habit of asking, rather than telling and, once you’re in the rhythm of asking, turning good questions into great ones? Here are some do-ables to get you started:

• Start asking more questions! Duh. Make the choice and work through that feeling of awkwardness. It’ll pass. Repetition & determination are your dynamic duo.
• Preare for one-on-one and team meetings by jotting down some possible questions related to key topics. Cultivate the habit of checking those questions before speaking.
• Create a ‘powerful questions’ bank. Think ahead about typical situations that you encounter in your organization and create one or two coaching questions for each. For even more impact, make it a team project.
• Use the go-to question – “What do you think?” Don’t forget to follow it with silence (yes, shutting up is a great skill to master!).
• Find a partner and work on this together. Ask your partner to highlight any missed opportunities to use the ask, don’t tell approach.
• Put your mind and heart to it. To change your habit, you’re going to have to be aware and intentional. You’ve gotta want this new habit to catch fire.
• To sum it all up, coach leaders intentionally replace the habit of “telling people around us what to do” with the new habit of asking questions of others. This is immensely beneficial because it allows the other person to create their own solutions, to take moderate risks, to become more effective decision makers, and to more fully engage in the everyday life of the organization.

Sometimes, I’m asked if asking more questions is really that big of deal. What do you think?

***RELATED LEADERSHIP TIPS***

Leadership Tip #1

Take the Tom Peters challenge to jump start your new inquiry habit! Pick a work day in the next week. For that day, make it your business to ask the question “What do you think?” in appropriate situations. Keep track of the number of times that you say it. At the end of the day, check your total. Notice what difference that question made. Celebrate new insights and relationship wins. Sustain this newly acquired habit.

Leadership Tip #2

Here are two of my favorite quotes on questioning for you to contemplate:

"We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong." – Bono

"The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a very creative mind to spot wrong questions." - Antony Jay

Leadership Tip #3

How about spicing up your regular meetings by using the following questioning framework:

• What are all of the things that are working?
•  How did all of those things end up working?
• What’s not working yet?
•  How can we make things even better?

This can really shake things up and create a surge of energy!