Breaking Free

In my last post, I promised to share with you the #1 secret to breaking free of ‘dysfunctional comfort.’ For those of you who are jumping in to the conversation for the first time, the way that I have defined dysfunctional comfort is that odd feeling of reassurance or relief around a longstanding relationship, process, procedure or approach, even though it is unhealthy, outmoded, broken or just plain wrong!

I also gave you a hint (actually a BIG hint) as to what that secret might be. So, here it is…if we genuinely want to challenge the cycle of dysfunctional comfort, we must begin to cultivate un-comfortableness as a cultural value in ourselves, others around us and throughout our organization. We have to consider it a healthy part of the growth and development process of individuals, teams and entire work places. Now, before you say…”well, duh!”….let’s really think about the implications of this.

It means that we’ve got to take the risk of looking at what’s going on around us at work through a different lens. We’ve got to start questioning everything. If you choose to do that each day, you’ll begin to pick up on new options, fresh possibilities, unexplored opportunities or alternate solutions.

Let me put this another way: We’ve got to intentionally ask ourselves if our ‘same old same old’ way of thinking or acting is the best option in the moment. And, if it’s not….then we’ve got to have the courage to admit that to ourselves and shed stuff that we’ve outgrown or no longer does the trick. Remember, a snake needs to shed its skin from time to time or it dies. Once the shedding is complete, the snake isn’t weaker or more vulnerable; it’s actually renewed and stronger. I think the same is true for everyday leaders!

So, how do we become more intentional? How do we begin to take small steps aimed at becoming more aware and then more choice-ful of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors? Here are some new habits that can give you some traction and momentum:

·         Reformat your old ‘programs’ – The most important conversation that you have each day, is the one that’s going on in your own head. Start there by consciously choosing your self-talk message. Remind yourself over and over again each day that you are in charge of you at all times; that you are a powerful decider. I use a very simple four-word mantra to get the job done in my own head. In this context, mantra means ‘words repeated to aid concentration and focus.’  

Reframe – Reclaim – Rejoice – Re-choice

You’ll find these words in other resources as I didn’t create them. Here’s what they mean to me:

            Reframe – I choose the frame of reference that I will use in a given situation

            Reclaim – I once again claim my personal power

Rejoice -   I choose to notice and celebrate all of the many things going right in my experience

Re-choice – I choose not to be on autopilot. I choose not to continue in dysfunctional comfort. I choose to be better and different.

·         Use affirmations regularly – Create a series of micro-affirmations (small ways that you validate yourself) also help to reset your subconscious to a new channel of self-talk. Make them uniquely you! This allows you to constructively challenge those same old same old habits.

·         Pre-pave your day – This is my version of one of Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – begin with the end in mind. Make it your new habit to review your day before things get rolling (in only takes five minutes). Visualize the various segments of your day as you would ideally like to experience them. One of my coaching clients has used this mini skill to completely reframe his participation in meetings throughout his business day. Before he enters the meeting room, he simply pauses and reflects on who he wants to be during that meeting, how he will behave, and what outcome he wants. Then he keeps those thoughts foremost in his mind as he moves through the meeting. Nothing else changed…and yet everything changed for this leader. Pre-pave your day with an eye toward how you can be both better and different; how you can shake up your own dysfunctional comfort!

·         Another set of eyes – Invite a colleague to take a look at one of your processes or procedures to uncover new ways of getting our work done well. Be curious about and receptive to her feedback, rather than defensive.

·         Evidence journal – At the end of the day, make it a practice to write down all of the ways that things went well that day. Things you learned. Examples of different and better. A breakthrough. Small wins. This small practice has helped me to end many work days with a sense of pride, victory and accomplishment.

Here are two examples, from my book, Take The Lead, of how people just like you have successfully challenged dysfunctional comfort to create different experiences at work:

·         A cafeteria cashier shifted from hating her job, feeling invisible and unappreciated and disliking the people whom she served, to really connecting and helping people get their day off to a great start. She decided to make one small change—she would smile more at people. That’s it. Big doors swing on small hinges. Little change…big payoff. In less than a month, she was receiving many complements and one of her regular customers told her that she should change her name to Joy, because that’s what gift she gave everyone. It is also important to note that the restaurant’s business in the morning began to grow. Coincidence? I don’t believe in them!

·         Union workers and management staff at a manufacturing company set aside long standing distrust and began to communicate differently. There were only small wins at first. It was so hard for both sides to stop repeating unproductive behavior—dysfunctional comfort—and start thinking about what might be possible. Instead of blaming, there’s more ownership. They have much more work to do together, but let’s declare it a victory so far.

Remember, shed or dead! I dare you to recognize your own areas of dysfunctional comfort and then choose to be both better and different.