In my last post, I promised to share with you the #1
secret to breaking free of ‘dysfunctional comfort.’ For those of you who are
jumping in to the conversation for the first time, the way that I have defined
dysfunctional comfort is that odd feeling of reassurance or relief around a
longstanding relationship, process, procedure or approach, even though it is
unhealthy, outmoded, broken or just plain wrong!
I also gave you a hint (actually a BIG hint) as to what
that secret might be. So, here it is…if we genuinely want to challenge the
cycle of dysfunctional comfort, we must begin to cultivate un-comfortableness
as a cultural value in ourselves, others around us and throughout our
organization. We have to consider it a healthy part of the growth and
development process of individuals, teams and entire work places. Now, before
you say…”well, duh!”….let’s really think about the implications of this.
It means that we’ve got to take the risk of looking at
what’s going on around us at work through a different lens. We’ve got to start
questioning everything. If you choose to do that each day, you’ll begin to pick
up on new options, fresh possibilities, unexplored opportunities or alternate
solutions.
Let me put this another way: We’ve got to intentionally ask ourselves if our ‘same
old same old’ way of thinking or acting is the best option in the moment. And, if it’s not….then we’ve got to have
the courage to admit that to ourselves and shed stuff that we’ve outgrown or no
longer does the trick. Remember, a snake needs to shed its skin from time to
time or it dies. Once the shedding is complete, the snake isn’t weaker or more
vulnerable; it’s actually renewed and stronger. I think the same is true for
everyday leaders!
So, how do we become more intentional? How do we begin to take small steps aimed at becoming
more aware and then more choice-ful of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors?
Here are some new habits that can give you some traction and momentum:
·
Reformat
your old ‘programs’ – The most important conversation that you
have each day, is the one that’s going on in your own head. Start there by
consciously choosing your self-talk message. Remind yourself over and over
again each day that you are in charge of you at all times; that you are a powerful
decider. I use a very simple four-word mantra to get the job done in my own
head. In this context, mantra means ‘words repeated to aid concentration and
focus.’
Reframe
– Reclaim – Rejoice – Re-choice
You’ll find these words in
other resources as I didn’t create them. Here’s what they mean to me:
Reframe – I
choose the frame of reference that I will use in a given situation
Reclaim – I once again claim my
personal power
Rejoice
- I choose to notice and celebrate all of the
many things going right in my experience
Re-choice
– I
choose not to be on autopilot. I choose not to continue in dysfunctional
comfort. I choose to be better and different.
·
Use
affirmations regularly – Create a series of micro-affirmations
(small ways that you validate yourself) also help to reset your subconscious to
a new channel of self-talk. Make them uniquely you! This allows you to
constructively challenge those same old same old habits.
·
Pre-pave your day – This is my version of
one of Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – begin with the
end in mind. Make it your new habit to review your day before things get
rolling (in only takes five minutes). Visualize the various segments of your day
as you would ideally like to experience them. One of my coaching clients has used this mini skill to completely
reframe his participation in meetings throughout his business day. Before he
enters the meeting room, he simply pauses and reflects on who he wants to be
during that meeting, how he will behave, and what outcome he wants. Then he
keeps those thoughts foremost in his mind as he moves through the meeting.
Nothing else changed…and yet everything changed for this leader. Pre-pave
your day with an eye toward how you can be both better and different; how you
can shake up your own dysfunctional comfort!
·
Another
set of eyes – Invite a colleague to take a look at one of
your processes or procedures to uncover new ways of getting our work done well.
Be curious about and receptive to her feedback, rather than defensive.
·
Evidence
journal – At the end of the day, make it a practice to write down
all of the ways that things went well that day. Things you learned. Examples of
different and better. A breakthrough. Small wins. This small practice has
helped me to end many work days with a sense of pride, victory and
accomplishment.
Here are two examples, from
my book, Take The Lead, of how people just like you have successfully
challenged dysfunctional comfort to create different experiences at work:
·
A cafeteria cashier
shifted from hating her job, feeling invisible and unappreciated and disliking
the people whom she served, to really connecting and helping people get their
day off to a great start. She decided to make one small change—she would smile
more at people. That’s it. Big doors swing on small hinges. Little change…big
payoff. In less than a month, she was receiving many complements and one of her
regular customers told her that she should change her name to Joy, because
that’s what gift she gave everyone. It is also important to note that the
restaurant’s business in the morning began to grow. Coincidence? I don’t
believe in them!
·
Union workers and
management staff at a manufacturing company set aside long standing distrust
and began to communicate differently. There were only small wins at first. It
was so hard for both sides to stop repeating unproductive behavior—dysfunctional comfort—and
start thinking about what might be possible. Instead of blaming, there’s more
ownership. They have much more work to do together, but let’s declare it a
victory so far.
Remember, shed or dead! I
dare you to recognize your own areas of dysfunctional comfort and then choose
to be both better and different.