A discussion that I had recently with a dear colleague of
mine, Lindsey, inspired some new and valuable insights for me that I’d like to
share.
She and I were debriefing after a leadership program that
her organization was sponsoring. We were both pretty enthused about the new,
fresh conversations and behaviors that were surfacing as a result of the
learning. And we were, of course, talking about sustainability – How
challenging it can be to make lasting changes to habits that, for some, have
been in place for a long time.
Inevitably, our conversation turned to the strength and
resolve that each of us must find deep within ourselves when we are ‘breaking
with’ old habits and ‘breaking through’ to more effective replacements. We
acknowledged this to be particularly true when we’re back in our daily routine
and are confronted with some of those ‘same old same old’ behaviors that are,
at best, a buzz kill and, at worst, an organizational toxin. You can probably
name the same behaviors that we mentioned to one another – If you guessed
gossiping, idle complaining, back biting and back stabbing, cynicism and
general put downs, you’re right!
That’s when Lindsey asked one of those powerful questions
– something so simple yet so true and so illuminating that it stops you in your
tracks for a moment as you really think about it. Trust me; I didn’t see this
one coming. With a sigh, Lindsey said, as she thought about those toxic
behaviors, “It’s pretty discouraging to realize that high school never really
ends, does it?”
We looked at each other for a minute without saying
anything and then we both nodded. If we were in a cartoon, you would have been
able to see a big, blinking light bulb appear above our heads. I think
Lindsey’s insight is a wake-up call for us all. It really was for me. Lots of
the everyday behaviors that we choose at work are childish and immature
leftovers from junior high! And that’s
just so unworthy of us! Think about it……back stabbing, meanness, talking about
someone behind his/her back, trying to ‘get away with’ stuff, making lame
excuses for not doing the right thing, petty jealousies born of insecurities,
cliques and the list goes on. Reliving high school reminds me of the movie
Ground Hog Day, only creepier and of far more significance.
Seriously, is this the best that we can be together? Why
do we choose to participate in or tolerate (and, therefore, perpetuate) these
patterns as adults at work when they didn’t do any good or felt bad way back
when? Why are we stuck in behaviors that we should have outgrown long ago?
More importantly, what’s it going to take to ditch them
permanently? Have we made peace with this elephant in the middle of the room by
looking the other way when we experience them because they seem familiar or
fairly innocent or because we’re guilty of them too?
If you’re ready to unhook from these recycled high school
behaviors, here are some small steps that can get you moving in the right
direction. Remember…
“To
change your experience, change yourself. To change yourself, change your
mindset.”
Do-ables
-
Do whatever it takes to remind yourself throughout the day that we are all ADULTS at work. Avoid words or actions that convey any other messages. For example, stop referring to your team members as your ‘kids’ and/or acting like a parent. So, enough already…put on your big guy and big gal pants and choose to act like a grown-up throughout your work day.
- Do your part to offer universal education on behavioral expectations in your organization. This might include such things as:
¬ Code
of conduct review and update
¬ On-boarding
and ongoing mini programs on ‘leading from your seat’
¬ Identify
the ‘dirty dozen’ – the twelve junior high behaviors that you won’t tolerate in
the organization – and create an awareness campaign
¬ Discuss
the importance of adult-adult relationships at regular staff meetings, morning
meetings. Use examples
¬ Create
a marketing campaign – for example, No whining allowed…Gossip free zone. In
fact, make a contest of it and give a prize to the winning team.
-
Catch folks making the right choices and acknowledge & reward.
- Have a low tolerance for those behaviors – call them out (respectfully and professionally) whenever possible.
- Be certain that there are consequences for continuing these immature behaviors; that everyone knows what they are and that they are fairly and consistently applied.
If you want to take a walk down memory lane and fondly
re-visit your high school years then do it – dust off your yearbook, attend a
reunion or find classmates on social media. But be darn sure that you leave
those immature behaviors out of the picture. We’re not fifteen anymore and high
school really is over!
